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Are your ready for a relationship - some are but not everyone is even years after a divorce. Are you relationship ready - some people think they are others dive straight into another marriage with regrets. Avoid divorce lawyers - is this the new answer to a non acrimonious divorce or do they simply entrench couples and create hardship. Bankruptcy myths - how some people try to avoid their responsibilities. Before you leave - a check list of things to do before you leave home. Being a friend during divorce - this is so helpful for people going through a divorce. Building trust - can take years to re-establish after a messy divorce. Cheating partners - is this the most common cause for divorce. Children's discipline - this will really suffer during divorce proceedings. Choosing your divorce method - are their options. This is not as easy as it seems. Christmas survival tips - will you be depressed at this time of year. Chronic depression - how to cope and avoid it during divorce. Consumer debt - a very common reason for divorce explored. Coping with the family law process - life becomes very complicated during a divorce. Coping with infertility - perhaps one of the sadest reasons for a relationship breakdown. Credit and divorce - can obtaining credit after divorce be easy. Deciding on divorce - not the easiest decision you can make. Defending your relationship - this is your right - getting by is not enough. Discovering infidelity - one of the most hurtful aspects to a relationship. Divorce advice - where to get it. Divorce and bankruptcy - so many financial failures but why. Divorce and the stock market - strange mixture but interesting. Divorce articles - are they of value. Divorce decision - right or wrong you now have to live with it. Divorce online - will they save you time and money. Divorce parenting mistakes - so common now during divorce. Divorce protection for women - are they better at it than men. Divorce secrets - have they exposed the truth about divorce. Eating disorders - can this be a reason for divorce. Emotional roller coaster - life during divorce really is a state of highs and lows. End of your marriage - some interesting perspectives. Essence of infidelity - is there such a thing. Family cycle - Understanding the stages of life. Family law - This is a specialist subject. Fighting the good fight - are you motivated by this. Get a prenuptial agreement - will this safeguard your assets. Getting a jewish divorce in the UK - is this easier than you think. Have an affair - can this be good for a relationship. Hidden divorce costs - can be reduced for the informed. Hire a divorce lawyer - are they worth their money. Holy matrimony - is this a declining institution. How to grieve a tragedy - divorce is just like any other family tragedy. How to recover from divorce - some tips & tricks to get going in life again. How to select a divorce lawyer - steps to do and things to avoid. How to survive a divorce - can this be done without too much damage. Impact of divorce on families - this is often a tragedy all round. Important papers - secure documents before the separation. Is she cheating - can the husband tell. Keep hope alive - positive thinking can be a very useful cure. Lawful divorce - great discussion. Life after divorce - some ways to cope and how to get on. Lost that loving feeling - very common in longer term relationships. Love discrimination - is this an explanation for divorce. Managing your step family - a very tight path to tread. Marriage counseling - is this a life saver or just delaying tactics. Marriage fairy tale - there are millions every year - why not you. Marriage problems - we all have them at some stage but is this justification for a divorce. Meaningful holidays - one way for maintaining a healthy relationship. Miscommunication - men and women are from different planets aren't they. Moving beyond grief - tips for moving on in life. Online dating after divorce - is this the modern option for finding that new partner. Online dating - can it replace the work or pub environment. Out grown your life - quite a common feeling that creates the ned for change. Parental conflict - how this can effect the children during divorce. Pay off your debts - should this be before or after a divorce. Potty training after divorce - the simple things in life can even be affected by a divorce. Prenuptial agreement dilemma - are they as water tight as you think. Relationship spring cleaning - a great one liner that says so much. Sanction of marriage - good discussion but a bit deep. Seduction of a married man - men are so easy to seduce aren't they. Sexless marriage - can such a thing exist. Should I consult a therapist - are they of value during a divorce. Should I get a divorce - can this ever be your own decision. Signs of infidelity - can you spot them in your partner. Single parent - you are now a statistic so has your status in life been lowered. Spare your kids the stress of divorce - do everything you can - they will benefit in the end. Surviving divorce - why do we need to simply survive it - why not celebrate it. Tax records - destroy them at your peril after a divorce. Things to consider in divorce - simply too much. Too many divorces - is it too easy these days. Two hearts - beat stronger than one. Valentines day ideas - how you can enjoy the day as well as a newly divorced person. What parents should do - your personal check list. Why men wont commit - is this an urban myth.

Divorce Law Guide Articles.

Spare Your Kids To 7 Most Distressful Divorce Parenting Situations

Spare Your Kids To 7 Most Distressful Divorce Parenting Situations
By Ruben Francia

What 7 most distressful situations to kids that divorced parents should avoid? Learn them to spare your kids from the painful consequences.

1. Carrying Message Between Parents

A child doesn't like the feeling that he or she must act as a messenger between hostile parents or carry one adult's secrets or accusations about another. Children want parents to talk with each other so that the messages are communicated the right way and so that children don't feel like they are going to mess up.

Parents must take the responsibility to talk directly with each other, especially if the topic is likely to anger the other parent. It is unfair to make your child carry messages to your "ex" because you find it too awkward or aggravating to do so yourself. It is also poor parenting to show by example to your child that you can resolve a problem with another person by not communicating or to suggest to a child that the other parent is such a monster that you cannot speak or be civil with each other.

Wherever possible, communicate directly with the other parent about matters relevant to the children, such as scheduling, visitation, health habits, or school problems.

2. Getting Involve With Money Issues

Avoid arguing and discussing child support issues in front of the children. How would you feel if you are that child hearing mom and dad arguing about your financial support? Most children upon hearing these things feel that their existence is some kind of parent's burden.

Who will pay for what and how available money should be spent are adult issues that the parents must discuss directly. Do not put your children in the middle of your child support disputes.

3. Hearing Criticisms Of The Other Parent

It hurts a child very much to hear one loved parent criticize the other loved parent. Children see themselves as half of each parent. When children hear bad things about one parent, they hear bad things about half of themselves. If they hear bad things about both their parents, they feel that both halves of them must be of little worth.

Even if you are sure you're right, try to avoid criticizing the other parent around the kids, and try to find good things to say, or don't say anything at all.

The following is a list of destructive remarks that you should not make to your child. If you find yourself saying words like these, stop and think about their impact on your child.

You're lazy/stubborn/bad tempered, just like your mother/father.
Your mother/father put you up to saying that.
Your dad/mom doesn't love any of us or he/she wouldn't have left us.
You can't trust her/him.
He/she was just no good.
If she/he loved you, she/he would send your support checks on time.
Someday you'll leave me too, just like your father/mother.

All of these remarks raise fear and anxiety in children.

4. Quizzing Children About The Other Parent

Do not make your children a spy in the other parent's home. It is very difficult for a child of divorced parents to cope with feeling "caught in the middle". If they want to tell you about time spent with their other parent (and they usually don't), listen closely and politely, and then stop. If they don't volunteer any information, try simply, "Have a good time? Good."

Encourage your children to love both parents. They must not be burdened with having to align with one parent's anger against the other.

5. Taking Sides

Your child wants to love both of his or her parents. Asking your child to take your side in any situation regarding your ex-spouse can create a tremendous amount of stress for your child.

Avoid putting children in the position of having to take sides. Allow your children to continue to love both parents without being made to feel guilty or disloyal.

6. Dealing With Parent's Feeling

Complaining to your child about how lonely you are after the separation makes a child feel guilty and sad and want to "parent" you. It's not healthy for them to be consumed with worry for their parents' ability to survive.

Let your child be a child. They need the freedom to be children. It's easy, but wrong, to make your adolescent child, or even your adult child, a confidant in dealing with your recovery, your dating life, or your fears. Even if children seem capable of handling these concerns without ill effects, they rarely are.

7. Threatening To Cut Off Contact With The Children If The Other Parent Doesn't Do Or Stop Doing Something

The kids hear these threats and fear more loss in their lives. Such conduct hurts your kids and must not be continued.

Recognize that for your child to have the best chance of growing up to be a functional human male or female, he/she will need both parents as role models and nurturers. This means that there should be some pathway of getting through to the child whatever good that parent has to offer.

Anything that puts a child in the middle of dispute is unhealthy, and causes the most problems for divorcing families. If parents don't work issues through, those issues have a huge effect on their kids.

It can be hard to do, but parents can improve a situation by recognizing their divorce is from each other, not the children. Kids need to see that even though their parents might not love each other, they are committed to staying connected because of their responsibilities as parents. At time, this may seem absolutely impossible, because the parents can't tolerate the idea of being connected. Yet the child needs both of them, psychologically if not in reality.

About The Author

Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled "101 Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced' Children To Success". Discover the ways to raising healthy, happy and successful children even if you're on divorced. Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com

Publishing Rights: You have permission to publish this article electronically, in print, in your ebook or on your website, free of charge, as long as the author bylines are included. subscribe@101divorceparenting.com

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