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Are your ready for a relationship - some are but not everyone is even years after a divorce. Are you relationship ready - some people think they are others dive straight into another marriage with regrets. Avoid divorce lawyers - is this the new answer to a non acrimonious divorce or do they simply entrench couples and create hardship. Bankruptcy myths - how some people try to avoid their responsibilities. Before you leave - a check list of things to do before you leave home. Being a friend during divorce - this is so helpful for people going through a divorce. Building trust - can take years to re-establish after a messy divorce. Cheating partners - is this the most common cause for divorce. Children's discipline - this will really suffer during divorce proceedings. Choosing your divorce method - are their options. This is not as easy as it seems. Christmas survival tips - will you be depressed at this time of year. Chronic depression - how to cope and avoid it during divorce. Consumer debt - a very common reason for divorce explored. Coping with the family law process - life becomes very complicated during a divorce. Coping with infertility - perhaps one of the sadest reasons for a relationship breakdown. Credit and divorce - can obtaining credit after divorce be easy. Deciding on divorce - not the easiest decision you can make. Defending your relationship - this is your right - getting by is not enough. Discovering infidelity - one of the most hurtful aspects to a relationship. Divorce advice - where to get it. Divorce and bankruptcy - so many financial failures but why. Divorce and the stock market - strange mixture but interesting. Divorce articles - are they of value. Divorce decision - right or wrong you now have to live with it. Divorce online - will they save you time and money. Divorce parenting mistakes - so common now during divorce. Divorce protection for women - are they better at it than men. Divorce secrets - have they exposed the truth about divorce. Eating disorders - can this be a reason for divorce. Emotional roller coaster - life during divorce really is a state of highs and lows. End of your marriage - some interesting perspectives. Essence of infidelity - is there such a thing. Family cycle - Understanding the stages of life. Family law - This is a specialist subject. Fighting the good fight - are you motivated by this. Get a prenuptial agreement - will this safeguard your assets. Getting a jewish divorce in the UK - is this easier than you think. Have an affair - can this be good for a relationship. Hidden divorce costs - can be reduced for the informed. Hire a divorce lawyer - are they worth their money. Holy matrimony - is this a declining institution. How to grieve a tragedy - divorce is just like any other family tragedy. How to recover from divorce - some tips & tricks to get going in life again. How to select a divorce lawyer - steps to do and things to avoid. How to survive a divorce - can this be done without too much damage. Impact of divorce on families - this is often a tragedy all round. Important papers - secure documents before the separation. Is she cheating - can the husband tell. Keep hope alive - positive thinking can be a very useful cure. Lawful divorce - great discussion. Life after divorce - some ways to cope and how to get on. Lost that loving feeling - very common in longer term relationships. Love discrimination - is this an explanation for divorce. Managing your step family - a very tight path to tread. Marriage counseling - is this a life saver or just delaying tactics. Marriage fairy tale - there are millions every year - why not you. Marriage problems - we all have them at some stage but is this justification for a divorce. Meaningful holidays - one way for maintaining a healthy relationship. Miscommunication - men and women are from different planets aren't they. Moving beyond grief - tips for moving on in life. Online dating after divorce - is this the modern option for finding that new partner. Online dating - can it replace the work or pub environment. Out grown your life - quite a common feeling that creates the ned for change. Parental conflict - how this can effect the children during divorce. Pay off your debts - should this be before or after a divorce. Potty training after divorce - the simple things in life can even be affected by a divorce. Prenuptial agreement dilemma - are they as water tight as you think. Relationship spring cleaning - a great one liner that says so much. Sanction of marriage - good discussion but a bit deep. Seduction of a married man - men are so easy to seduce aren't they. Sexless marriage - can such a thing exist. Should I consult a therapist - are they of value during a divorce. Should I get a divorce - can this ever be your own decision. Signs of infidelity - can you spot them in your partner. Single parent - you are now a statistic so has your status in life been lowered. Spare your kids the stress of divorce - do everything you can - they will benefit in the end. Surviving divorce - why do we need to simply survive it - why not celebrate it. Tax records - destroy them at your peril after a divorce. Things to consider in divorce - simply too much. Too many divorces - is it too easy these days. Two hearts - beat stronger than one. Valentines day ideas - how you can enjoy the day as well as a newly divorced person. What parents should do - your personal check list. Why men wont commit - is this an urban myth.

Divorce Law Guide Articles.

Surviving as a Single Parent

Surviving as a Single Parent
By Garrett Coan

Emotional Overload

Many single parents say they deal with a variety of emotional issues that you might describe as “extra baggage.” Some examples include:

• Self-pity

• Depression

• Guilt

• Anger

• Envy

• Fear

• Severe money problems

• Loneliness and isolation

• Frustration

• Exhaustion

These issues present such a challenge because they undermine your daily functioning and emotional well-being. But they can be managed successfully so that you manage your family in a positive way.

10 Ways to Speed Your Recovery Process

Becoming divorced or widowed and then facing years of single parenting is a shock to anyone who experiences it. You will need to take steps to recover and heal. Here are some suggestions:

1. Some churches, synagogues, counseling centers, and therapists offer free and low-cost divorce recovery workshops and grief support groups. Look for them in the newspaper and Yellow Pages. If you don’t see any listed, call a few places that may be able to refer you.

2. Look for local peer support groups and networks.

3. If you have access to the Internet, search for support services in your area.

4. Also on the Internet, look for chat rooms or bulletin boards where single parents post messages and share ideas.

5. Find library books for kids about divorce and single-parent families, and read them together. Take the time to talk about how they relate to your situation and encourage your kids to talk about their feelings.

6. Find a support group for children of divorce.

7. Tell your children’s teachers and the school psychologist that you are a single-parent family. Let them know that you welcome feedback and suggestions on coping with your circumstances.

8. When you are ready, investigate groups like Parents Without Partners for single adults. You need to be with other adults who have similar interests.

9. Learn to help your kids talk about what is happening to them.

10. Learn conflict resolution and problem-solving skills.

Single-Parent Survival Strategies

In addition to recovering from the loss of a partner, you will need to take action to survive and thrive in the coming years. The following strategies provide a starting place.

1. Watch out for too many changes in your life as you recover from both the loss of your spouse and the resulting changes in your life circumstances. Change causes stress, and you have enough right now.

2. Realize and accept that you must get help with your single-parenting responsibilities. It is unrealistic to think that you can do it alone.

3. Manage your own emotions so you will be able to help your child manage his or her struggle. Learn as much as you can about how children respond to divorce, the death of a parent, or life in a single-parent home. Do not expect your child to respond the same way you do. Take your child’s developmental stage into consideration when responding to his or her behavior.

4. Give your children permission to talk to you about their feelings.

5. Keep appropriate boundaries.

• Don’t give in to the temptation to let your child take care of you.

• Let your children be children.

• Avoid burdening them with your feelings and the facts of the divorce or death of your spouse.

• Find another adult to be your sounding board.

6. Let people help you.

• If it is impossible to reciprocate, say so.

• People know that your life isn’t like it used to be.

• Don’t let your inability to reciprocate prevent you from accepting what people willingly offer.

7. Let go of your need for perfection. You will have much more stress if you don’t lower your expectations.

8. Even though you are unable to be present as much as in the past, your children still need adult supervision. Look for ways for other adults to look in on your kids when they are home alone, even when they are teenagers.

9. Just because your child appears to be handling his or her emotions well, don’t assume that he or she is okay. Some kids respond to parent loss by becoming overly responsible or by closing down their emotions. They may need to hear, “Tell me how you’re feeling.”

10. While it is important to listen and accept your children’s feelings, it is equally important to set limits on behavior.

11. Cultivate your ability to be flexible and find creative ways to solve problems.

12. Learn to set priorities. Do the most important things first.

13. Trust your gut feelings. Pay attention to your instincts and act on them.

14. Simplify as many things as possible in your life. You cannot afford to keep it complicated.

15. Find an outlet for your anger. If a friend is not available, look for a minister, rabbi, or professional counselor. If money is an issue, look for a therapist who will see you for a low fee.

16. Teach yourself to let go of guilt. You don’t have time for it, and it’s not necessary.

17. Focus on issues you have control over. If something is beyond your control, don’t waste your emotions on it.

18. Create a ritual to mark the change in your circumstances. This could be a funeral for your spouse or a ceremony to acknowledge your divorce.

19. Keep a private journal in which you express your feelings. Be sure to keep it in a private place where your children won’t find it. A journal provides a place to express anger, sadness, loneliness, and fear—all of those feelings you feel every day as a single parent.

20. Remind yourself that recovering from divorce or the death of a spouse will take time. Your recovery will happen on its own schedule, and it will happen. You will get through this intact.

21. Learn to be assertive. You can’t say yes to every request, whether it is from your family members or people in the community who want your time and resources. If you give it all away, you will have nothing left for yourself.

22. Find ways to take care of your body. Get regular checkups and make time to exercise. You need rest now more than ever. Watch your alcohol intake.

23. Find someone who will listen to you. Sometimes you have to ask, for example, “I need a sounding board right now. Can I have 15 minutes of your time?”

24. Rent a sad movie and let yourself cry (when the kids aren’t around). Crying allows you to release the sadness that you are sure to feel.

25. Do at least one fun thing for yourself every week.

26. In your private journal, make a list of all the things you’re afraid of.

27. In your private journal, make a list of all the things you worry about.

28. Get together with other single-parent families. Sharing times with people facing similar issues can make you feel normal.

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.

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