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Are your ready for a relationship - some are but not everyone is even years after a divorce. Are you relationship ready - some people think they are others dive straight into another marriage with regrets. Avoid divorce lawyers - is this the new answer to a non acrimonious divorce or do they simply entrench couples and create hardship. Bankruptcy myths - how some people try to avoid their responsibilities. Before you leave - a check list of things to do before you leave home. Being a friend during divorce - this is so helpful for people going through a divorce. Building trust - can take years to re-establish after a messy divorce. Cheating partners - is this the most common cause for divorce. Children's discipline - this will really suffer during divorce proceedings. Choosing your divorce method - are their options. This is not as easy as it seems. Christmas survival tips - will you be depressed at this time of year. Chronic depression - how to cope and avoid it during divorce. Consumer debt - a very common reason for divorce explored. Coping with the family law process - life becomes very complicated during a divorce. Coping with infertility - perhaps one of the sadest reasons for a relationship breakdown. Credit and divorce - can obtaining credit after divorce be easy. Deciding on divorce - not the easiest decision you can make. Defending your relationship - this is your right - getting by is not enough. Discovering infidelity - one of the most hurtful aspects to a relationship. Divorce advice - where to get it. Divorce and bankruptcy - so many financial failures but why. Divorce and the stock market - strange mixture but interesting. Divorce articles - are they of value. Divorce decision - right or wrong you now have to live with it. Divorce online - will they save you time and money. Divorce parenting mistakes - so common now during divorce. Divorce protection for women - are they better at it than men. Divorce secrets - have they exposed the truth about divorce. Eating disorders - can this be a reason for divorce. Emotional roller coaster - life during divorce really is a state of highs and lows. End of your marriage - some interesting perspectives. Essence of infidelity - is there such a thing. Family cycle - Understanding the stages of life. Family law - This is a specialist subject. Fighting the good fight - are you motivated by this. Get a prenuptial agreement - will this safeguard your assets. Getting a jewish divorce in the UK - is this easier than you think. Have an affair - can this be good for a relationship. Hidden divorce costs - can be reduced for the informed. Hire a divorce lawyer - are they worth their money. Holy matrimony - is this a declining institution. How to grieve a tragedy - divorce is just like any other family tragedy. How to recover from divorce - some tips & tricks to get going in life again. How to select a divorce lawyer - steps to do and things to avoid. How to survive a divorce - can this be done without too much damage. Impact of divorce on families - this is often a tragedy all round. Important papers - secure documents before the separation. Is she cheating - can the husband tell. Keep hope alive - positive thinking can be a very useful cure. Lawful divorce - great discussion. Life after divorce - some ways to cope and how to get on. Lost that loving feeling - very common in longer term relationships. Love discrimination - is this an explanation for divorce. Managing your step family - a very tight path to tread. Marriage counseling - is this a life saver or just delaying tactics. Marriage fairy tale - there are millions every year - why not you. Marriage problems - we all have them at some stage but is this justification for a divorce. Meaningful holidays - one way for maintaining a healthy relationship. Miscommunication - men and women are from different planets aren't they. Moving beyond grief - tips for moving on in life. Online dating after divorce - is this the modern option for finding that new partner. Online dating - can it replace the work or pub environment. Out grown your life - quite a common feeling that creates the ned for change. Parental conflict - how this can effect the children during divorce. Pay off your debts - should this be before or after a divorce. Potty training after divorce - the simple things in life can even be affected by a divorce. Prenuptial agreement dilemma - are they as water tight as you think. Relationship spring cleaning - a great one liner that says so much. Sanction of marriage - good discussion but a bit deep. Seduction of a married man - men are so easy to seduce aren't they. Sexless marriage - can such a thing exist. Should I consult a therapist - are they of value during a divorce. Should I get a divorce - can this ever be your own decision. Signs of infidelity - can you spot them in your partner. Single parent - you are now a statistic so has your status in life been lowered. Spare your kids the stress of divorce - do everything you can - they will benefit in the end. Surviving divorce - why do we need to simply survive it - why not celebrate it. Tax records - destroy them at your peril after a divorce. Things to consider in divorce - simply too much. Too many divorces - is it too easy these days. Two hearts - beat stronger than one. Valentines day ideas - how you can enjoy the day as well as a newly divorced person. What parents should do - your personal check list. Why men wont commit - is this an urban myth.

Divorce Law Guide Articles.

Relationship Spring Cleaning by Susan Sheppard

Relationship Spring Cleaning by Susan Sheppard
By Susan Sheppard

History doesn’t belong in a relationship that is present

My friend, Jack Rafferty, the famous Man-Woman Coach, used to say "don’t clean the clean" referring of course to relationship. What he meant by that was once you have gotten angry, argued, and "effectively dealt with" something that happened that hurt your feelings, be done with it. Don’t keep bringing it up like dirty laundry. Once you have forgiven someone for something, it’s history. . The conflict, resistance to new concepts, stored resentment and revenge for old hurts, that happens in most relationships relates back to those three words "effectively dealt with", which unfortunately in most cases, isn’t what happens.

For most couples, the barometer for intimate relationships is sex. If your sex life is hot and exciting and fun, chances are you have a pretty clean relationship. When there is trouble in the bedroom, usually it’s an indication that there are a lot of cobwebs and dirt stuck in the corners of your intimate relationship and that you or your partner have shut down some avenues of communication.

What do I mean?

Let’s say your partner doesn’t show up for a date with you. You manage to get through the evening and get home to find him/her home, relaxing, having completely forgotten that he/she was to have met you somewhere. You get into a heated argument about his/her lack of consideration and a lot of I’m sorry’s are exchanged.

Was that effectively dealing with the situation? Hardly.

The resentment still exists on both sides. What do I mean both sides? Well, this is my theory. The person who didn’t show up was already carrying resentment and unconsciously, carried out revenge in a passive aggressive manner by missing the appointment. The person who got stood up never got satisfaction in the resolution and now carries his/her own resentment, which will surface again at another time. This couple does not have a clean relationship.

Payback goes on in every relationship at some time or another. It is comparable to the accumulation of junk in your house. Just as spring cleaning gets rid of dust bunnies under the bed and cobwebs behind the bookcases, periodic cleansing sessions in your relationships will restore freshness and vitality to your love. Few couples understand this or know what to do about it. Some religious organizations have retreats for married couples where they do some of the work I am about to suggest, however, the catastrophic divorce rate in our country indicates that very little of this kind of work is attempted or completed by married couples. Even highly enlightened, aware couples require some nudging to maintain the level of squeaky clean communication that I am referring to.

Here is a suggestion for a process that can be used to clean house.

Relationship Spring Cleaning.

Reserve a weekend where the two of you can be alone and undisturbed for 48 hours.
You can do this alone or engage a coach to guide you.
Each of you have a notebook which will be yours to share or not.
Take time to write extensive endings to the following statements:
1. I am with you because......
2. My feelings were hurt when ...
3. I’m angry when ...
4. I resist new ideas from you when....
5. I resent you when...
6. I want to take revenge on you when...
7. I hate you when.....
8. You always......
9. You never......
10. I don’t want to forgive you when.....
11. I want to believe......
12. I love you because
You get the idea. You can add statements that are specific for you as long as they are not accusations and they express your feelings about the situation and your relationship. The goal is to get to the tiniest resentments and hurts that you have stored up for however long you two have been together.
Obviously if you have been married for a long time and have never done anything like this, it might be difficult to get every little thing the first time through and you may have to repeat this more than once or get someone to guide you through the process.
Once you have completed your writing , you are going to share the contents of your writing with your partner.
The rules for sharing are as follows:
1. Only one of you may speak at a time.
2. The person sharing cannot elaborate.
3. The person listening cannot comment except to say thank you.
4. Once you have shared all of this information, release it and completely let go of your feelings about all of it.
The outcome which is desired by completing this process is cleansing and release.
The next part of the process involves revitalizing and restoring your passion.
Take time to write extensive endings to the following statements:
1. I forgive you completely for .....
2. I appreciate your...
3. I thank you for .....
4. I want you to....
5. You turn me on when.....
6. I get excited about....
7. I acknowledge your....
8. I am proud of you because....
9. I cherish you for....
10. I love you because....
11. I want to be with you because...
Repeat steps 5,6,7,and 8
The outcome which is desired by this process is attraction and revitalization of your love.

Note: When you are done with this exercise, if you don’t feel like you just met and fell in love, you are not done and you would benefit from more of the same.

Once you have completed your serious spring cleaning, it is then important to maintain this level of communication. You can accomplish this by daily, weekly or whenever necessary withhold sessions, shorter but similar to the above. If you know that your partner loves and respects you and considers your relationship a sacred trust, you can willingly sustain such vulnerability. As you practice this level of trust with each other, it becomes easier to notice when something occurs that violates your bond. The best practice is to "effectively deal with" issues as they happen.

Sound idealistic? I don’t think so. Once you get in the habit of having clean relationships with everyone, you won’t be able to tolerate hidden agendas, suppressed feelings or anything generating resistance, resentment or revenge. You won’t let missed appointments or oversights or hurt feelings dirty up your association with anyone.

Accountability is the essence of communication. Be 100% responsible for your own communication and 100% responsible for receiving other’s communication. That way, if everyone takes more than their share of the accountability, our world will be free of misunderstandings. Now perhaps that is somewhat idealistic, but imagine how great it would be to live in a world where the inhabitants honored that principle..

"I help people who want sacred intimacy in a hot relationship, get what they want from each other so that they can experience more fun, more sex and less bickering!"

Susan Sheppard

Getting What You Want
Official Words from Getting What You Want

If you would like to use the article written by Susan in this edition of Getting What You Want, permission is granted as long as the copy remains unchanged and the resource information is included at the bottom of the article:

Relationship coaching is life coaching. Life becomes extraordinary when we discover that being absolutely committed to taking care of ourselves, leads to abundance in every aspect of our lives.

Enroll in an e-course www.RomanceReentry.com
Request a consultation www.gettingwhatyouwant.com
e-mail me at Susan@gettingwhatyouwant.com

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